OnTheLine blog

The English ...

are trying to play India in a cricket test match. Outdoors. In England. Much rain has ensued.
They will never learn.

Congratulations

... to Kim Clijsters. Cannot be angry about that news!

Note to the English weather

We really, really, really hate you.

Also, we've decided our new favourite tournament is the Australian Open. Because they have two roofs. And pretty good play, too.

Note to Justine Henin

If you need that much help from your coach during a match, then maybe you should consider switching to a team sport.

Note to Daniela Hantuchova

We love you.

But you should have won that match.

Note to the trainer

It was cramp. I knew it. You knew it. Serena knew it. The whole world knew it. Why take 8 minutes to assess it? It was cramp.

I've had a "spasm-induced left calf strain" too. I called it cramp.

Note to the BBC

Show us that Moya - Henman match again. It's only been 12 times so far!

Note to Maria Sharapova

You do not look like a swan in that outfit. Really.

I can see ...

... why you'd want to wait two more years to put that roof on. Really, I can. Because it's just so charming to have to listen to McEnroe blab on and on and on about ... something. And then get the opportunity to watch the French Open final again. Really!
England must be a tough country to live in, if it takes five years to build a roof.

Flops and punks at the Aussie Open

There were two big shockers on day one of the Aussie Open.

First, the ouster of Ivan Ljubicic at the hands of Mardy Fish. Fish is a dangerous big-hitter who has made fine srides in a comeback from wrist injury, but it was hard for the media to portray the result other than as "another Grand Slam failure" for the "serial underachiever".

This is a problem I thought Ivan had licked, at least in part. He had started the 2006 slam year pretty well, with a quarterfinal in Melbourne and an excellent semifinal in Paris. But on the heels of a first round ouster to Feliciano Lopez at the US Open, now we have yet another early dismissal.

The other shocker was the punchup between -- apparently -- Australians of Serbian and Croatian origin. Ethnic brawling at tennis? I can't remember anything similar in the past (I'm sure ace historian Bud Collins will weigh in on the subject in the days to come). Certainly there have been occasional flashes of unsavory behaviour, usually around Davis Cup, but has there been anything in tennis like the organized hooliganism that has plagued sports such as football?

Moreover, Australian culture has (seemingly) increasingly been the scene of of violent activity by gangs of punks. Recall the 2005 Cronulla riots, for example. And the article cited in the previous paragraph makes reference to other hooliganish goings-on Down Under: "non ethnic-specific drag racing violence and recent rowdy crowd ejections from the cricket." Huh?

This behaviour at tennis tournaments is something I hope will not imported from the Antipodes. The influx of players pumping their fists and screaming "COME ON!" has been bad enough, thank you.

And it will be very interesting to see how the tournament handles crowd control for the rest of the fortnight.

Oh... Federer will beat Berdych and Clijsters will topple Kuznetsova in the finals. Thank you very much.