OnTheLine blog

Note to Maria Sharapova

Please. Just. Shut. Up.
Your wails are worse than a stadium full of vuvuzelas -- and weren't those supposed to be banned?

Another note to Tracy Austin

Silence is golden. Go with it!
Thank you.

Note to Tracy Austin

The word "error" in fact contains two syllables.
Thank you.

The English ...

are trying to play India in a cricket test match. Outdoors. In England. Much rain has ensued.
They will never learn.

Congratulations

... to Kim Clijsters. Cannot be angry about that news!

Note to the English weather

We really, really, really hate you.

Also, we've decided our new favourite tournament is the Australian Open. Because they have two roofs. And pretty good play, too.

Note to Justine Henin

If you need that much help from your coach during a match, then maybe you should consider switching to a team sport.

Note to Daniela Hantuchova

We love you.

But you should have won that match.

Note to the trainer

It was cramp. I knew it. You knew it. Serena knew it. The whole world knew it. Why take 8 minutes to assess it? It was cramp.

I've had a "spasm-induced left calf strain" too. I called it cramp.

Note to the BBC

Show us that Moya - Henman match again. It's only been 12 times so far!